None of us is perfect, but the desire to become better is apparent to everyone. This especially deals with relationships, feelings. There are many exercises, training courses, “golden” rules and tips on these topics. But there is not always the awareness of your own vocation in these relationships.
Olga Matviychuk, the chairman of the public organization “Platform for the development of relations”, is convinced that the search for your own ways of developing relations may be the experience of others, so she wants every discussed topic during discussion meetings to be discovered as more varied as possible.
At the end of last year, within the work of the “Platform for the development of relations”, a discussion “Family – a duty or a vocation?” was held. The conversation concerned the perception of the institution of the family in our society, the right of everyone to choose – to create a family or to stay alone. The peculiarity of this meeting was that people from different fields of employment with different visions of building relationships, families shared their own experiences.
The special guests of the discussion were the chairman of the Patriarchal Commission on Youth Affairs of the UGCC Father Rostyslav Pendiuk, the editor of the CREDO magazine Father Mykola Mishovsky, the coordinator of the movement “True Love Waits” Father Dmytro Romanko, the sociologist Olga Kozachenko, the family consultant Irina Moskviak.
Singles but not a hermit
The number of people who do not want to share their lives with anyone else is growing rapidly around the world. If you believe the Euromonitor International research firm predicts the number of single people over the next 15 years, will be growing rapidly in all countries. Often, a lonely way of life is chosen by women.
One of the most famous researchers of the phenomenon of the singles, a sociologist, the doctor of philosophy at New York University and the author of the book “Going solo: Extraordinary Rise and Surprising Appeal of Living Alone” Eric Klinenberg suggests looking at this phenomenon in a different way. A clear distinction must be made between the notion of “alone” and “singles”. After all, not all people who choose a separate way of life, they feel alone. On the contrary, according to hundreds of research and interviews by the author of the book “Going Solo,” the singles lead a more intense social and cultural life than those who live in marriage. “To live alone, to be alone and to feel lonely is three different social conditions,” says Eric Klinenberg.
It is interesting that similar thoughts if to stay alone and to be alone are quite different things were expressed during the discussion “Family – a duty or a vocation?” It was also emphasized that the most important thing in each choice is the awareness and understanding of this choice.
– It is important to feel and understand your vocation, but it is important to live now. If you only think about what my vocation is every day, then life will end. Let’s try to live every day as better as possible. Let’s love those people who are near, and not those who may be once on our way. Sometimes our true vocation is lost in such searches. The vocation not to live in a family does not mean being called to loneliness. We are always in the community. – said Father Rostyslav Pendiuk.
The negative experience – a chance not to repeat someone else’s mistakes
Another subtopic of the discussion, “How our family, the environment and the circumstances in which we have grown up, affects the formation of our personality and the quality of our character,” was not less effective. Indeed, each of us “carries” in the attitude and perception of people the experience of relationships that they have gained from their parents or those with whom they have grown up. And it’s important to be able to prevent negative experiences from influencing our lives. Actually, the examples that had been made during the discussion showed that we are trying to do useful lessons and not to repeat others mistakes. Often, this even contributes to a more meaningful attitude towards relationships and the creation of happy families.
– I always tell young people if they have negative experiences from their families, that is, if their parents are divorced, then this means they are at risk. Therefore, they must take responsibility. I also have a negative experience. My parents are not quite happy, so I began to look for why it was so and I found the strength to forgive them. This experience should not continue with you. You have to say that you love your parents and forgive them. Of course, this does not mean that the scar will disappear, but you will not give responsibility for someone else, but you will understand that everything depends on you, – said Father Dmytro Romanko, based on examples from his own experience of work with young people and family couples.
– Many problems in our families are not really problems. But it is simply the misunderstanding of certain facts. I would say that one of the key challenges is the mistake of perception. We do not emphasize what we should. At the cultural level, we have the conviction that in order for the family to be happy, one must meet the “right” person. Because of this many families break down. Although, in fact, you must take responsibility and build good relationships every day. You have to work above them, to listen, and make compromises. It is more important, how we act every day, but not with whom we do it, “- Father Rostislav Pendiuk emphasized.
The main conclusions from the meeting: do not be ashamed of your family life and do not stop just in your life, because we all need good examples, let’s declare that we are happy thanks one another.