Loving is not easy. Very often, in the word “love”, a number of stereotypes are concealed. In order to shatter them – we published the text written by Fr. Tykhon Kulbaka about what “loving” means in reality.
Loving is …
- Loving is not impeding your growth.
The loving person will not offer you a piece of cake when you are on diet. He will not put sugar into your tea if you have a high sugar level in your blood. And he will not offer you an alcoholic drink if you decided to live sober. The loving person will also not demand that you correspond to his vision of the world: not to drink if he decided not to drink and to live in a way he finds it proper.
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- Loving is not playing “games of reason”.
The loving person does not blame or manipulate you. He does not say, “It didn’t happen”, if you have clearly seen, that, yes, it did happen. He does not call you mad if you refuse to agree with his lie.
- Loving is not making war.
The loving person does not back his arguments with personal insults. He does not punch you “in the gut”; nor will he have you by the throat and lead you to perdition. The loving person searches for a solution while being ready to compromise and never strives to be victorious at any price.
- Loving is not being egocentric.
The loving person does not think that the world spins around him. He takes and gives instead of only taking, taking and taking. He is not always able to discern, but he feels that you are tired, ill, sad or discontented. The loving person is capable of being empathetic and compassionate. He is able to lend a helping hand and to be there for you. It is comfortable to be with him. The loving person doesn’t do everything he wants without considering others. He is respectful of your time and energy. He is able to share.
- Loving is not controlling.
One of the first signs of potential domestic violence is your partner’s striving to control your every step: whom you call, where you go, who you look at, what you do, etc. The loving person does not do this. He doesn’t check your phone; he doesn’t look at your mileage counter, estimating where you have been. He doesn’t tell you what you should think, wear or say. He doesn’t tell you what you should feel.
- Loving is respectful.
The loving person doesn’t put labels on you and doesn’t humiliate you in front of others. He doesn’t destroy you and doesn’t disgrace you in public. The loving person respects your boundaries, respects your time, respects your ideas, respects your emotions, he respects you.
- Loving is working on building a trusting relationship.
The loving person doesn’t deceive, lying to you constantly. He doesn’t interrogate you on where you have been and what you have been doing every minute of the day. He doesn’t despise your friends. He doesn’t flirt with others. The loving person doesn’t wish to conceal or keep back anything.
- Loving is creating space.
For you, the loving person creates the opportunity for personal space. Couples should not be stuck with each other every hour of every day, every week. Sometimes they need to broaden a distance. Everyone needs one’s own time; a time to stay with one’s friends, a time to go visiting, a time to devote oneself to one’s hobbies which can be not shared by their partner.
- Loving is listening.
The loving person listens to you even if you don’t say anything important. He just listens. He doesn’t have any ready solutions, he doesn’t know all the answers, but he has the patience and desire to listen.
- Loving is NEVER being cruel.